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Full text of "The Squib"

CULLLC 



Massachusetts Agricultural College, 

AMHERST, MAG' 



^ett® 



JAN 6s 1920 






The Squib sea 



VOL. 4, NO. 1 




it 



OVER HERE" 



December 1917 



Fifteen Cents 



DEUEL'S DRUG STORE 

Gillette Safety Razors, Five Dollars 
Gem Junior Safety Razor, One Dollar 
Safety Razor Blades, All Makes 

FOUNTAIN PENS, TOOTH BRUSHES AND A GREAT VARIETY OF TOILET ARTICLES 



DRAPER HOTEL 



NORTHAMPTON, MASS. 







Where they serve the best food 
and best banquets 



PHELPS & GARE 

112 Main Street, Northampton, Mass. 



"Massachusetts Men" welcome to look over 
our stock at any time. 



TEN TESTED RULES FOR CAMOUFLAG- 
ING FRESHMEN 

1. When the Frosh arrives at the house 
everybody should make a dive for his hand as 
though he were t lie first human being seen for 
8 months. 

2. Herd him into a corner and begin on the 
"wonderful scenery of the Connecticut valley." 
(Jive him hell if he hasn't been to Mt. Tom (J 
times already. 

3. Approaching the subject gradually, drop a 
word about Hamp and Dickies. Speak casually 
of "suds" and "foam." 

4. Mention the possibilities of "bear parties" 
with "Janes over the mountain". 

.3. It would be well for a couple of Seniors to 
pull off a rough house here. 

(i. Hum the makins'. 

?. Inculcate respect for the Profs, in him by 
referring to them as "Squirt, Hay-face, Lefty", 
etc. 

5. After spilling cider on him, someone should 
sell him a cleaning and pressing ticket. 

!). Have three men previously instructed offer 
to do his M,.th., Public Speaking, and Annie Hus. 

10. BE SURE to ignore him completely the 
next dav. 



Merrit & Clark 



Cloth 



iers 




Evening Clothes 

Are you ready for Christmas week evening 
festivities? How about the evening suit? 
The correct models are here and your size 
is here. We don't have to sell these suits, 
they sell themselves. The mirror is our 
only helper. 

We also have a new and snappy line of 
Neckties and Scarfs 

NORTHAMPTON, MASS. 



CO-OPERATE WITH THE BOARD AND PATRONIZE THE ADVERTISERS 





MAS 50. 



w 




THE SQUIB 



He: Will you bet? 

She: I'll bet a kiss. 

His True Friend: And I'll hold the stakes. 

— Froth 



SOONETS 

CO-EDS, co-eds, tall and stout, 
At the wax treads all turn out, 
Strive to keep an even keel, 
While we harrow in corn meal. 



IONxV: "Say, old top, where is a good laundry 
to send my army shirt?" 
Saxon: "Laundry! Grow up! You don't send 
a drill shirt to a laundry. Brush it when it 
gets dirty. 



OWED TO THE TELEPHONE GIRL 

THE telephone girl sits still in her chair 
And listen to voices from everywhere, 
She hears campus gossip, she hears all the news, 
She knows who has passed and who has the blues; 
She knows all our sorrows, she knows all our joys, 
She knows every co-ed who is chasing the boys; 
She knows of our quizzes, she knows of our strife, 
She knows every Prof, who is mean to his wife. 
She knows every time we are hitting the booze, 
She knows the amount we can afford to lose; 
She knows every co-ed that has a dark past; 
She knows every man that is inclined to be fast; 
In fact there's a secret 'neath each saucy curl 
Of that quiet, demure-looking telephone girl. 




Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, 

To get her a stylish dress, 

But when she got there, 

The cupboard was bare, 
So she made quite a hit, I guess. — Tiger 




DEEP, VERY DEEP 

CLARENCE: "Really, those German soldiers 
must be very cowardly." 
Claire: 'Why, I understood that they were 
very brave sometimes." 

Clarence: "Well, this Springfield paper reports 
that after the Battle of the Somme, there were 
over 2,000 treated in the rear by the Red Cross." 



BUT THEN THE KAISER IS LIVING ALSO 
EMON: "O please come over to my dance 
*-^ on the ninth?" 

Reluctant: "Er — I — that — is — I must play 
basketball in Springfield that night. 

Supposed Frat. Brother: "Say, old man, that 
game has been called off." 



GENT: "Have you an accident policy?" 
Junior: " Yeh, never argue with an Amherst 



cop. 



BRIGHT Youth: "Let's go down to the 
Music for lunch." 
Just the same: "Whassat, down to the drug 
store?" 

Bright Youth: "Down to the vile Inn." 



STUDENT in Economics going through the 
Town Laundry: "I wonder why they call 
this machine a mangle?" 

Wiser Won: "Gee, Bo, I guess you never send 
anything to the Co-op." 



THE SQUIB 



THERE'S A REASON 

SOLDIER back for a visit. "I hear you have 
fine board over to the hash-house." 
Victim: "Yeh, but they, have cut out sugar for 
the cereals now." 

s 

SCANDALOUS 

CO-ED: "No! no! you can't come up yet, I've 
nothing on." 
Frosh Fusser: "Well, slip on something and 
come down." 

So she slipped on a banana skin inadvertently 
left by an inmate of Draper and came down. 

s 

GOODNESS GRACIOUS 

AS related by one of the girls, "And what do 
you think, just as she was coining out of 
Draper Hall, she slipped and fell and I bet it 
bruised her somewhat." 



MAGAZINE Trust Proved Unlawful. "- 
Head-line Boston Newspaper. 
Therefore, you see why we can't sell Squibs 
on credit. 




A FRESHIE had a fancy vest, 
■**' He wears that vest no more, 
For what he thought was H 2 
Was H 2 S0 4 . —Punch Bowl 



M 



ARRIAGE is a lottery. 

Not with these cob-webby clothes now 



in fashion. 




PHIL: "Nothing can exist without money!" 
M. T. : "You're mistaken, my good man." 
Phil: "Sir, how dare you!" 

M. T.: "Didn't you ever hear of the Mass. 
Aggie College?" 



Fellow-" May I kiss you?" 
Girl— 'Why, don't you know kissing affects 
the mind?" 

Fellow— "Is that so? Let's go crazy." 

— Medley 



AT THE TABLE 

Do you know anything about camouflage?" 
No, I never eat foreign cheeses." 

— Lamb 



THE OATS ARE SOWN 

Father (sternly) — ■" My son, I would rather 
see you dead than to see you take your first 
drink." 

Son (with tears in his eyes) — •" Father you 
never will." — Chaparral 



THE FROSH IN LOVE WITH THE HOME 
TOWN GIRL 

First Week — My Own Dearest Darling Ducky, 
Sweet Little Bunch of Love. 

Second Week — -My Ownest Dear Longed-for 
Pet. 

Third Week — -My honeybunch little girl. 

Fourth Week — -My Dearest Hazel. 

Fifth Week— My Dear Hazel, 

Sixth Week — Dear Hazel. 

Seventh Week — Dear Miss Nutt. 

Eighth Week — -You Poor Nutt. — Chaparral 



'20 — I want to enroll in the tenth regiment. 
Recruiting Officer — Why that regiment? 
'20 — I want to be near a friend of mine. He's 
in the eleventh. — Orange Peel 



o 



SCAR: "Did you pass Analyt?" 
Rudolf: "No, sober." 




PUBLISHED AT MASSACHUSETTS AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE 



L. P. MARTIN '20 



C. BUNKER '20 

D. C. DOUGLAS '20 



S. B. FERRISS '19 



$1.25 A YEAR 



QUID AGIS AGE AGGIE" 



15 CENTS A COPY 



All contributions should be addressed to the Editor-in-Chief. They will be given credit in the 
annual elections to the board. Business communications should be addressed to the Business 
Manager 11 North College. 

Entered as second-class matter January 31, 1916 at the post office at Amherst, Mass. 



Vol. VI. 



DECEMBER, 1917 



No. 1 



QUIBBY is once more on the 
old campus again. Many 
of you didn't know we 
were around and we didn't 
ourselves until the night 
before last. Well, here we 
are and we extend a greet- 
ing and welcome to all the 
the freshmen and co-eds. 
SQUIBBY regrets that so 
many faces are missing 
from the campus this year, 
but when we look over 
Aggie's honor roll we are 
filled with pride and are 
able to look into the near 
future and see old Bill's doom. We have our reporters in the various camps about the country and 
in France and as soon as anything happens we will get our wire, so keep in touch with us and watch 
the bulletin board in the office. 




THE SQUIB 



The little Lady at the beginning of this book is a fair sample of what every Aggie man in the 
service is leaving behind him "Over Here". Many are those over the river and over the mountain 
who are sitting and dreaming of "Over There", but realizing little what this all means. We are 
"Over Here" boys, fighting hard to keep things moving, but "Over There" they are fighting harder 
yet to keep greater things moving. Why not make a pleasant evening for our men in the trenches 
by sending them a SQUIB? If you have a friend anywhere in the service, don't forget to get an 
extra copy and forward it to him, or leave fifteen cents at the office with an address and we will do 
the rest. At the same time you are also prolonging the life of SQUIBBY. 



SQUIBBY is hard hit by the war as well as everybody else. Our own little service flag is 
pretty well filled and we expect to add a few more stars in a short time. This brings numerous vacan- 
cies on the board to the attention of those men in college, especially the freshmen. If looks count, 
there sure is some funny stuff in '21 and SQUIBBY wants you. We have places in all departments 
for all classes and will be glad to see any competitors at any time. 



SQUIBBY takes this opportunity to wish all A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year. 



E. F. GUBA '19 



Contributors to this issue 
M. N. WELLS '19 



F. K. HAINES '18 





I 



N Doc Gordon's Zoo lecture.J^" Aj^single fly 

will produce 2000 offspring." 
"Good gracious," murmured one of the co-eds, 
and think of the married ones." 



TWAS Adeline who broke her leg, 
The thought of treatment shocked her, 
So she phoned for absent treatment, 
By a Christian Science Doctor. 

— Burr 




\X^HY is it that Billy numbers all the students 
™ * in his classes? 
Probably so that they can be identified after 
the quiz. 



HOW THE INSECTS KNOW EACH OTHER 

Title of "Literary Digest" article 

UNDOUBTEDLY by their skull-caps and 
moustaches. 



E*ROM the woods a young man named Lew- 

* ellyn, 

Brought a nice striped cat to his dwellyn, 

His poor wife wasn't wise, 

So she said in surprise, 

"I wonder what's round here that's smellynr" 



"l)E kind and courteous to your neighbor; if 
*-* he is in difficulty, help him!" From 
Dean Fenn's sermon. 

Don't hold too literally to this, '20, or Billy 
will help you out by a one way ticket to Boston. 



IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF LORRAINE 

NEWCOMER: Say, how do you purify this 
water to make it drinkable? 
Veteran: Why first we boil it; then filter it; 
and then we drink beer. 



WHAT IS IT? 
>-ED: "I don't care! Draper Hall is just 
like a convent." 
Frosh: "O say, there must be some difference." 
Co-Ed: "No, Nun there is Nun!" 



H 



TELEPHONE TOPICS 

E: "Is this Miss Co-ed?" 
She: "It is." 
He: "May I take you to the next Informal? 
She: "Oh certainly. Who is this please?" 



THE SQUIB 



FAIRBANKS: "That green waiter did the 
natural thing, the other night." 
Scales: "Howsatt?" 

Fairbanks: "He saw Billy at the head of the 
table and dropped the course." 



OVERHEARD IN MARKET GARDENING 
^THOMPSON (exhibiting squash): This is a 
* marble head. I succeeded very well in 
getting a good marble head. 

He — "I would like to propose a little toast." 
She — "Nothing doin' kid! I want a regular 
meal." — The Widow 



IN A HURRY 
He— "Well, I must be off!!" 

She — -"Yes, I noticed that the first time we 

met." — Awgwan 



Guff — "So you don't write to Priscilla any 
more." 

Goof — "Naw. I wrote her three letters and 
she didn't answer — so I broke off the corres- 
pondence." — Texas Longhorn 



Senior — I would kiss you if you weren't in 
a canoe. 

Co-ed — Sir! Take me ashore immediately. 

— Orange Peel 




TIME OUT 



DUMB Waiter: "What have you been waiting 
for? A second? 
Waiting: "No, for about an hour." 




She — Don't you think that Myrtle looks ugly 
in that ultra low-cut dress? 

He — Not as far as I can see. — Jester 



RURAL JOURNALISM* 

CUB: "The deep and tumbling torrents of the 
deep poured over the ruined edifice." 
Prof. Neal: "What was that?" 
Cub: "The storm washed away one of the old 
poultry houses." 

1921 
'LEVER '20 man: "Hey Frosh, look at your 

nose and see what time it is. 
Frosh: "Look at your own; mine isn't running." 
SPLASH!!!! 



FOUL 
j'USSER: "Dearest, you are the goal of my 

ambition!" 
Mt. Holyoke: "Fifteen yards for holding." 



NOT A SELF-STARTER 

CLOUDY Inn-keeper: "Whassa matter, don't 
my breakfasts been Appetizing? 
Thin Boarder: "Yes indeed, I can go right 
over to the next place and eat a full meal." 



GROUCHY? 

CHEM.: I see the old Doc don't talk to him- 
self quite so much lately." 
History: "Well, he squeezed his finger in the 
door and is sore at himself." 












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OIV CP 



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'//^>& /S r-r?<c7 



c/<S> . /*~/Grm/7->oS/y 



,/ Ooc>^> Si. 






"7 



// OiSOr- 




*Ji?c?£r £2a<uy /~//<&s y ; ''"Cv->o Ci^/ccc'O ro 








77->e &/-CC7r £)fc>/osfOr? o/ /Vq/"-J<S> 



PATH WEEKLY 



THE COUNT ft 7 



DArice 





The Senior Show Was Pretty Good-But "Oh, Boy"-WAIT FOR THE FACULTY VAUDEVILLE 



PLEASE MARION, JUST ONCE 

"No, George, I won't Think if mother saw 
us." 

"Oh please, Marion, she'd never see." 

"Well, somebody would, and besides it's 
naughty." 

"Yes, but it's awful nice." 

"Dear George, don't lets talk about it. I'd 
like to but I don't think a girl should." 

"Please, Marion, just once. I know you'd 
like it too." 

"Yes, but if I did once, you'd want to again 
and it isn't nice." 

"Marion, you're so wonderful I have just got 
to. I bet if I get shot you will wish you had." 

"Well then, George, just this once we'll play 
golf on Sunday morning but never again." 

— Pnrple Cow 



Brown has a lovely baby girl, 
The stork left her with a nutter, 
Brown named her "Oleomargarine" 
For he hadn't any butter. 

—Penn State Froth 



Sympathetic Old Lady — "You must find those 
soldier suits very hot." 

R. O. T. C— "I do, but it's uniform heat." 

— Lampoon 



"What did you say your age was?" he re- 
marked, between dances. 

'Well, I didn't say," smartly returned the 
girl, "but I've just reached twenty-one." 

"Is that so?" he returned consolingly, "What 
detained you?" 

— Punch Bowt 



THE SQUIB 



The French General- 
there?" 

The English General- 
can Colonel." 



'Who's that nut over 
Sh ! That's an Ameri- 

— Purple Cow 



THOSE PLATTSBURG COMMANDS 
" C'IRE at Will," cried the captain as he noticed 
* the Kaiser in the enemies' lines. 

"Sound Off" commanded the irritable old 
gentleman as he ordered the organ grinder from 
his door yard. 

"Order Arms" cried the man who had his arms 
shot away, to the inquiring waiter in the restau- 
rant. 

"Dismiss the company" said the bored cap- 
tain to his wife as he left the parlor and went 
to bed. 

"I'se left" said the colored trooper after the 
rest of the company had been shot down. 

"Present Alms" said the beggar to the lady 
at the back door. 

"Clothes on first Company" observed the 
major as he looked at the soldiers' uniforms. 

"Take your Post" said the major giving back 
the Saturday weekly to the private. 

s 

SQUIB 

NEWS items from the stenogs: "The basket- 
ball team is showing fine form. 




OENIOR: 'What d'ye mean, wearing those 
**J two stars on each shoulder?" 

Frosh: "I saw a Junior with them on this 
morning and I thought they looked awfully 
snappy." 

— Trench and Camp 



MAY HAVE BEEN MARKS ANGELL 

CHARGE! "shouted the Plattsburger Colonel. 
"Oy yoy, no! I want cash." 



10 




Y.ou 

M.ust 

Come 

A. cross 



S.ink 
O.r 

S.wim 




NAY, nay, Angeline, the Infantry Drill Regu- SOMETHING CROOKED ABOUT THIS 
lations contain no Helpful Hints for the /% P11 ^ 111M rr .<tt ,t <• t , 

Young Mother. CERGEANT: "Hey there, frosh, what's the 

**J idea of crossing your legs when I say ' Atten- 
_____ tion?'" 

Frosh: "Why I distinctly heard you say to 
keep my knees together." 




MORE WAR THAN POETRY 

IN a short and naughty poem 
^ When a line ends with "well" 
You always can be certain that 
The last line ends with "hell". 



"Well, I see your girl sent you her picture." 
" Yeh, what do you think of her?" 
"Er — there are not many fellows in your 
town are there?" 

— Perm State Froth 



CAMOUFLAGE 

ON December 12, Col. Wilson was noticed 
walking around the campus in civilian 
clothes. Immediately a member of the Sqtiib 
rushed over to the Massachusetts War Board 
at the Drill Hall, and breathlessly asked the 
non-commissioned officer in charge, "Col. Wilson 
is in disguise! Why is it?" 

"Sh! Sh!" replied the Sarge. "That's the 
Chinese Situation." 

All excitement, out came our note-book and 
pen, and we waited expectantly. "Chinese 
Situation?" we asked. 

'Yes. Col. Wilson's last clean uniform hasn't 
come back from the Chink's." 



11 



THE SQUIB 




MOVIES OF A SENIOR TRYING 

s 

SENIOR: "I'm through with Bill; the bum 
called me a bare-faced liar." 
She: "How horrid of him, and you have such 
a distinguished moustache. 



TO PRODUCE AfLITTLE DOWN 

s 

She — "Moustaches seem to be quite in favor 
again." 

He — "Yes, they always did tickle the girls." 

— The Widow 



THE SENIOR SHOW 

STUDENT: "Now you will see more excitement 
for $1.00 than you ever received before 
for the money." 

Alumni: "Oh, I don't know, that's all my 
marriage license cost me." 



TEA STRAINERS 

A MUSTACHE may enhance the looks of 
some of the Seniors, BUT, even they must 
admit that it makes their conversation rather 
strained. 

— The Widow 



12 



THE SQUIB 




OLD Mother Hubbard, 
Went to the cupboard, 
For a bone for her dog Tray. 
When she got there the cupboard was bare, 
And the pup had his first meatless day. 



MR. RAND: Are you acquainted with Milton? 
Frosh: You can't kid me, prof. Milton 
is dead. 




HEARD AT DEUEL'S 

WILLIE '20: "How does it happen you came 
here to Amherst College? I thought 
your father was an Aggie man." 

Woolie '21: "He was. He wanted me to go to 
Aggie. I wanted to go to Dartmouth. We had 
an argument and he finally told me to go to 
Hell. So here I am." 

s 

MODERN CLASSICS 
'WAS a mariner ancient said, "Say 

Stick around and get wise to my lay! 
Shot a bird for a joke, 
Saw my ship-mates all croak, 
Now I give to the S. P. C. A." 

S 

THE LULU BIRD SAYS: 

IT takes sand to propose, but rocks to marry. 
Just because a tack can stand on its head all 
day, don't think that you can! 

An apple a day will keep the doctor away. 
An onion a day doesn't discriminate. 

s 

NOT ENOUGH HEADWAY! 

FROSH: "Gee, that Pomology Prof, is 
isn't he? I wonder, does he catch 
from the Bald-ones?" 

Senior: "Nay, nay, little one; he gets 
from pulling these tight shirts over his head." 

s 

PHONEY STUFF 

JANITOR of North College: "Hey, there was 
a man found suffocated down in the tele- 
phone booth this morning." 
Workingman: "Howsatt?" 

Janitor: "Oh those operators were on a vaca- 
tion or something and he couldn't get Ayer 
quick enough." 



bald 
that 

that 



13 



BECKMANN'S 

ALWAYS FOR THE BEST 

Candies, Ice Creams 
and Sodas 

247-249 MAIN STREET NORTHAMPTON 


POLITENESS 

nOOM-MATE: "Say, wife, may I borrow 

*^ your shoes to go fussing?" 

Wife: "Yeah, but why the formality?" 
Mate: "Well, I couldn't find them." 

W^USSEH: "How's business:" 
■■-* Cafeteria Llave: "licking up." 


RAHRAHS 

PIRST Stude: "What's the big idea, of that 
* old fellow at the bar with a bandage over 
his eyes?" 

' Why I'll tell you. You see the sight of a 
glass of whiskey makes his mouth water and 
he doesn't want to dilute it." 


OVERTIME STRAINS EYES 

Overtime will be sure to injure your eyes — increase 
the complaint — why not get top notch eye-glass ser- 
vice and satisfaction by having us fill your needs. 

We specialize on prescription filling — on exactness 
and highest grade of work. 

0. T. Dewhurst 

Maker of Perfect Fitting Glasses 

201 Main Street Opposite City Hall 
Northampton, Mass. Telephone 184-W 


MARSH'S 

Most replete line of 
STUDENT F URNITURE 

IN NEW ENGLAND 
PRICES THE LOWEST 

E. D. MARSH EST. 


CAMPION 

Military Expert 

CAMPION BLOCK 
AMHERST 


ML NOVICK 

Is the leader in altering clothes 

also 

cleaning and pressing at reasonable prices 

Pressing Ticket System 

$1.50 — 4 suits and 2 pairs of trousers 
Tel. 36-M Post Office Block, Main St. 



CO-OPERATE WITH THE BOARD AND PATRONIZE THESE ADVERTISERS 




'■//KM. 



mm 



Since then, electricity has sent its thrill 
through the whole structure of life. 

Eager to turn wheels, to lift and carry, 
to banish dark, to gather heat, to hurl 
voices and thoughts across space, to 
give the world new tools for its work 
— electricity has bent to man's will. 

Throughout this period the General 
Electric Company has held the great 
responsibilities and high ideals of 
leadership. 



It has "given tangible form to inven' 
tion, in apparatus of infinite precision 
and gigantic power: 

.And it has gone forth, cooperating with 
every industry, to command this unseen 
force and fetch it far to serve all people. 

By the achievements which this com- 
pany has already recorded may best 
be judged the greater ends its future 
shall attain, the deeper mysteries it 
yet shall solve in electrifying more 
and more of the world's work. 



GENERAL ELECTRIC; COMPANY 



GIVE THESE MERCHANTS A CHANCE 



QENIOR Athlete: "Yes, you know when I 
^ was a frosh, the Phys. Director told me 
that if I didn't cut the Cigs. I'd become an idiot." 
Girl: "Well, why didn't you?" 

— Chaparral 


BUY YOU R 

Toilet Articles 

OF 

A. W. HAMLIN 

Regular Visits Made at the Dorms 
and Fraternity Houses 


It is better to 
have your 

Iftrtnting 

Done by Us than 
to wish you 
had 

Excelsior Printing Company 

Printing — Enlxng — Sinbtng 

North Adams, Mass. 


Sanderson & Thompson 

THE HOME OF 

Hart, Schaffner & Marx Clothes 
and Fine Furnishings 

Prices Always Reasonable 
SANDERSON & THOMPSON 

AMHERST 


AFTERMATH 

[ HAD a slice of white meat 
* i\.nd a slab of dark meat too 
Cranberry sauce was slipped to me 
It looks like dark red glue. 

I bolted then a drumstick 
And nibbled at a wing 
Then bit into the gizzard 
At the liver took a fling. 

I stuffed myself with stuffing 
Of potatoes ate a peck 
Then went back to the turkey 
And chewed upon its neck. 

I gobbled turnips, squash and "sweets" 
And celery and pies 
Ice cream and nuts helped me fill up 
Completely to my eyes. 

They call the day Thanksgiving 
But listen here — Hooray! 
The reason I'm now thankful is 
That I'm alive today. 

(Boston Traveler) 


A good line of 
SKIS 

SNOW-SHOES 
SKATES 

FLASHLIGHTS 
CUTLERY 

and HARDWARE 

Mutual Plumbing & Heating Co. 



GIVE THESE MERCHANTS A CHANCE 



The Elms Restaurant 


THIRD (AMP EXAMINATION 


Where Quality and Quantity Dwell 


P|FFICEK: "Name?" 
W Applicant: "Bill." 




Off.: "Your surname, please. I've got to file 


Try our dinner and supper specials 


it, you know." 




App.: "Short. But if you file it, it will l>e 


E. G. DILL, Prop. 


shorter." 




Off.: "You were born?" 


NORTHAMPTON, MASS. 


App. : " Yes sir! " 




Off.: "I mean what year were you born in?" 




App.: "1897." 
Off.: "Where?" 






App.: "Upstairs, in the front room." 


n r a i t\ r\ 


Off.: "No, no! I mean in what town. In 


R F Arm^trnnor ft B \nn 


the U. S.?" 


III !■ HMIIOIIUNg (X UUM 


App.: "Nq. In Amherst." 




Off.: "Now, do you realize what we are fighting 


Northampton, Mass. 


for?" 




App. : No sir. 


* 


Off.: "I thought so. Well, I'll tell you. We 


are fighting for democracy. That great and 




w o n d e rf u 1 




App. is edging toward the door. 


Nnkntear for (Efjnatmaa 


Off.: "Where are you going?" 
App.: "Out. I'm a Republican." 




Off.: "That makes no difference. Now as re- 


Neat Classy Ties for Father 


gards your physical fitness. Got any scars on 
you? " 


Snappier Ones for Brother 


App.: "No sir. But there are some cigarettes 




over there in my coat." 


Knit Scarfs for Sister 


Off.: "Well, are you able to walk any distance 




without giving out?" 




A])]).: "I should say so. Why, last April 


Prices Reasonable 


Fool's Day, I was in fine condition after a March 




of thirty-one days." 




Off.: 'Well, you seem to be bothered with 


80 Main Street Northampton, Mass. 


Dandruff." 

App.: "Oh, no. That's only Bone-dust." 




Off.: "Remember that we allow no whiskey 




at Plattsburg!" 

App.: "Well, I guess when the moon-shines 




RAHAR'S INN 


we will have whiskey-still." 

Off.: "You can see the condition of the German 


Northampton, Mass. 


Navy. They have every kind of booze now." 


_ . 


App.: 'Yeah, but they stick to Port rather 


EUROPEAN PLAN 


closely." 




Off. : " You are cautioned not to waste anything. 
Russia is penniless now because of her failure in 


THE BEST PLACE TO DINE 




this respect." 


ALL KINDS OF SEA FOOD 


App. : "() well, before Bolsheviki, she was 


Special Dishes at All Hours 


Nicholas." 

And the band played "On to Plattsburg." 


R. J. RAHAR, Prop. 





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PLYMOUTH INN 

NORTHAMPTON, MASS. 

A High-Class Hotel desirably located for College Patronage 

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